We’re closing in on a major election, and one of the issues taking the spotlight is a woman’s right to abortion. I’ve been scanning the flyers that land in my mailbox and the texts that come to my phone, and I’ve noticed a trend. One side emphasizes protection of unborn children (an obviously good thing), and the other emphasizes a woman’s right to make informed decisions about her healthcare (in theory, that’s also a good thing.) One side places emphasis on the baby, and the other on the mother.

In this space, I want to be a Christian talking to other Christians. I’ve had to examine my heart and attitude toward this issue, and I have some thoughts that I’d like to share.

Before I go any further, I want to make it very clear that I believe abortion should not be the solution to unwanted pregnancies. In Tina’s perfect world, every baby would be loved, wanted, and cared for. That’s not the reality we live in, unfortunately. But I fear that while we’ve been fighting to protect the rights of unborn babies, we’ve made the mistake of not seeing their mothers.

We know from scripture that God loves children, and every new life is a miracle. As a mom, a favorite scripture of mine is Psalm 139:13-16. “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” In Matthew 19, we see Jesus welcoming the children that others thought were an interruption by saying, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

Over and over in Scripture, we see God’s love and compassion on the oppressed, the fatherless, the widows, the needy. In fighting to protect the unborn, we are reflecting our Father’s heart. But we also need to take notice of the times he shows great and unexpected compassion to women who find themselves in difficult circumstances.

In Genesis 16, we meet Hagar. Hagar was the Egyptian slave of Sarah, Abraham’s wife. Because Sarah was unable to conceive a child on her own, she gave Hagar to Abraham to secure herself a child. Pregnant and afraid, Hagar fled into the wilderness. God met her there, cared for her and blessed her, and sent her back home to be looked after. A little later in chapter 21, Hagar is again fleeing a difficult situation – this time with her young son. Again, God met her, provided for her, and was with her as her son grew. God showed incredible care to a woman who found herself with an unexpected pregnancy and a child that she was unable to provide for on her own.

In John 8, a woman who had been caught in adultery was brought before Jesus by a group of men who were sure they could get Jesus to see their side of things and condemn her actions. (Was she pregnant? We don’t know – although she could have been. Was she exploited? Almost certainly.) Rather than offering condemnation, Jesus offered compassion and a fresh start.

In our zeal to protect the unborn, I’m afraid that we have made women feel like the villains in the storyline. Often women considering abortions are afraid. They have found themselves in situations where they fear being shunned (or worse, abused) by those whom they love. They may feel they are unable to raise a child with a financial situation that is hardly livable. They may have seen something on an ultrasound or other prenatal test that raises fears about caring for a medically fragile baby.

As Christians, our Pro-Life stance needs to be both Pro-Baby and Pro-Mother. Our overwhelming voice on this issue should not just be statistics and education about what goes on in abortion clinics (although there is a time and place for that.) We should be shouting loud and clear, “God loves you and your baby! What can we do to help?”

Admittedly, this is more complicated than just passing abortion laws. That’s part of the equation, but not all of it. We need to be willing to do the messy work of advocating for and protecting women in abusive situations. Good maternal and prenatal care needs to be readily available – especially to those who can’t afford it. Foster care and adoption programs need to be bolstered and championed. We need to be people who do more than talk – our actions should reflect God’s great compassion for both babies and their mothers.

If you’re in my family or part of my local church, you may know that Noah and I lost a baby last September. I was near the end of my first trimester, and everything was going well until it wasn’t. The loss was unexpected and disorienting. God met us in our grief in a very real way, providing care through our families and a few close friends.

However, I noticed a disconnect in the reaction of some people to the news of our loss. Some of the people who are vehemently pro-life offered comments like “well, you’ll have another chance!” or “everything happens for a reason” or “at least you weren’t further along.” The same people who declare that every life is sacred showed little grief over the loss of our young, sacred life. I was able to move past these comments quickly, some people just don’t know what to say and that’s ok.

But it’s time to ask ourselves what we really believe about being pro-life. Do we love life, or do we love policies that reflect our beliefs? Do we love life, or do we love holding on to rights? Do we love life enough to help and support a young mom who is scared? Do we love life enough to care for a child that is not our own?

None of these questions have easy answers, but God has been working to give me a heart of compassion as I’ve thought through these issues in the last several weeks. I pray that He does the same for you.